Pterophyta

I laid awake for about three hours between 2:00 AM and 5:00 AM this morning, running through various worst-case-scenarios, reflecting that everyone I've ever met probably hates me and wondering if it was worth the bother to get my oatmeal made early.

Oh middle of the night thoughts, you are full of ridiculous paranoia and being hungry.

Anyway, I drifted back to sleep eventually and had several weird dreams. A couple I managed to remember:

I was on a questing party, heading towards some far-off land with some lofty goal. The end plan probably involved slaying a dragon. If this had been a novel, we would have been 2/3 through the book at this point. By this point, the story is pretty clear and reader expectations are set, right?

I may not be the main protagonist, but I rank pretty highly in our traveling party: I have a love who's either the hero or at least one of the important side characters. He asks me at one point to take a walk with him into the woods, and I follow him off into the trees. As we walk deeper, the woods get thicker, the branches reach down into the path so we have to duck and push through. I see a little opening that leads into a field, so I call up to him that I'm leaving the woods, expecting he'll follow me out.

My love does indeed follow me, but as I make the open again, all of a sudden his hands are at my throat! He was leading me off into the deep woods because he wanted to kill me in some out-of-the-way spot! I'm turned around to face him, and he has the expression of a madman. I fight back, indignant more than afraid - this isn't how the story is supposed to go! Don't you know you're a good guy you bastard?! - and the tables turn. I force him to the grass and get on top of him, straddling his shoulders as I try to choke him to death. Now I'm sad and repulsed, I'm watching his face redden and his eyes bulge. He looks frightened and pathetic, but I know if I don't stop, I'm agreeing to let this bastard kill me in my sleep. I ease up a moment to give us both a moment of reprieve. Then I bear down again.

Scene change!

I am standing in the chilled aisle of a grocery store. The head manager from my job is standing beside me, eying the salads and pre-cut fruit, shifting around his shopping basket uncertainly.

"Have you seen these?" I ask him, pointing to a kit of various dressings and diced produce.

"No, what are they?"

"They're this new narrative food. It gives you things to eat and there's a little story on the back about what you eat and why."

"Huh."

"This one," I reach for a combo of fruit along with salad and dressing, "Is one I've tried before. See, you flip it over and here it tells you you're on this quest to save the world. You've traveling with your companions, and everything's nice and as it should be. See, this is where you have the fruit salad, because that's sweet and goes with things being as they should be. But then the one you think loves you turns out to be a murderer and betrays you! You have to defend yourself by choking them to death! It's really terrible and upsetting. So then you have the salad, because salad is for preserving your health so you don't die. Or maybe because it's like atonement. Or maybe you have to keep your figure because you're back on the market."

"Huh." Said my boss again. Then he added politely. "That's really interesting."

"Interesting?! You almost get killed by the one you love and have to choke him to death! That's a terrible story to a customer! It's the worst way to get a person to eat salad ever!"

My boss turned and walked off.

I also dreamed that my Chevy was back from car heaven. Somehow it had a new owner that had tracked me down and given it to me as a gift. The hood had split apart and been reattached with rusting metal screws. Even still, it was so askew as to block most of the driver's vision. The tires, when inflated, were bulging hugely like the rubber was about to give. I gave one a poke with a finger and it deflated with a long hiss.

Since I'd given up the car I'd been given a scooter, but it had run out of gas while idling, and, like Cinderella's coach turning into a pumpkin, it had morphed into an office chair. I hefted it up in one hand and went to ask advice from my father. Just where was I supposed to gas it up again if it were an office chair? The rolling wheels? The seat? At least it should get excellent mileage, right?

Tonight I am finally writing a fanfic story I've been meaning to get to for over a year. Since I am really, really bad at names, this story doesn't actually give them (no dialog as such either, though that's another matter). Since there are only a few characters, and only two main ones, everything is left in terms of pronouns. Mostly this should not be a problem - everything should be clear from context. Except there's a scene at the beginning that takes place in an all-female society and good God, it's turned out to be a maze of confusion.

Am currently about 80 pages into Quicksilver.

Two impressions:

1. It sucks to live in the seventeenth century.

2. It sucks to be Daniel Waterhouse.

( Goals for 2009 )

The family Thanksgiving get-together is being held tomorrow, so today I have the entire day off to...I don't know.

It's half past one in the afternoon and I haven't changed out of my pajamas. Frankly, there's just not that much to do today. I'll probably finish off the book I'm reading, clean the kitchen and then have lunch. Other than that, my daily plans are pretty much nonexistent. I'll be going to bed early so I can open at work tomorrow, but between now and then I have an entire day to fill and no idea how I'm going to do that.

Atheists: just because we reject dogma doesn't mean we have to reject annoying evangelism!

A group is putting 100 ads on Seattle buses depicting a cartoon Santa and the words "Yes Virginia, there is no God!"

Excuse me while I smack my head against my desk.

From the page on the Freedom From Religion Foundation website:

Freethinkers and skeptics have a hard time with the belief thing, which is what's behind the ads, said Dan Barker, Foundation co-president.

Well yes, as a non-believer I have a hard time with the "belief thing." I address that by not believing. I also have a hard time with the whole getting up in people's faces about their personal beliefs without cause.

If the sign were "Yes Virginia, Christ's forgiveness is required for salvation!" I would want to give someone the finger. Not because I feel it is factually incorrect but because I find it annoying and presumptuous. It's asshatted in an unbearably smarmy way. As far as I'm concerned, this is the exact same thing.

The quote goes on to explain that Christianity has appropriated solstice celebrations from pagans, and we must take back mankind's natural holiday. This makes an incredibly confused argument. Paganism IS a religion, and there's nothing more "unnatural" about a Christian celebration of "it's dark and cold outside, let's be merry and eat a lot of food!" than there is about a Pagan celebration of the same.

I feel as though I should wrap this up with some kind of point. I don't have one. I just feel this shit is irritating, stupid and bound to make my atheist self look like a douchecanoe by association.

verdictlesslife posted a link to Fandom Wank's recap of "Harlequin vanity bodice-ripping wank!"

To paraphrase Dr. Zoidberg: there is no part of that title I didn't like!

So in case you haven't heard, Harlequin has teamed up with a vanity publisher to create Harlequin Horizons. Having a book published through them starts at about six hundred dollars and can range to thousands if one wants editing, promotion, etc.

There's a lot of outrage from people who feel that this is a huuuuuge conflict of interests. Harlequin Horizons is going to be mentioned to prospective authors whose works are rejected. There are concerns that this dilutes the Harlequin brand, that substandard works are going to be sold under the imprint. Potential readers may read material that would never have met standards for traditional publication and conclude all Harlequin books and possibly romance in general totally blows.

There's also concern that this venture will be taking advantage of hopeful writers. People who want to publish through Harlequin might assume that going through Harlequin Horizons will bring them closer to their goal of being Harlequin authors. When it's the same parent company, and Harlequin Horizons is being suggested to them in their rejection letters, it's easy to imagine this happening.

Harlequin has responded to (pretty harsh!) criticism by saying that "Harlequin" won't be printed on the books themselves. Hopefully this will help potential clients understand their books aren't being given the prestige of the brand as well as ensure that readers won't confuse the vanity-published works with the company's other numerous lines. That hasn't really dampened the controversy - the name change doesn't do anything about the fact that Harlequin is going to try making money by convincing hopeful authors to shell out lots of money for books that won't be properly edited or marketed (unless said authors want to give Harlequin even more money). This is going to cause their hard work to be effectively dropped into a black hole.

Oh, and unlike self-publishing, where the author has their book produced but keeps the rights and profits of any sales, this venture would give the rights to Harlequin. Even after shelling out all this money, the author would only receive 50% of the net proceeds.

At least that's my understanding of the situation. Okay though, here's what I don't understand: why would anyone choose to go this route? If someone want to get a copy of their books to hold in their hands or give to family, aren't there less expensive ways? Ways that allow them to retain their rights to their work? Wouldn't Lulu.com be a much, much better option? And if one is hoping to put their work in front of potential readers, Amazon lets you upload Kindle books - I mean this guy doesn't even understand that leaving your book glowing sockpuppet reviews doesn't work without an actual sockpuppet (or at least a customer name that is NOT your author name), and even he's figured out how to make his books available. While it's true that not everyone has an ebook reader, a fraction of Amazon customers is still many, many more people than are likely to come across a work in a Harlequin catalog of vanity published books.

On a final note, I would really love to write a romance novel in me one day. I have one, possibly two with basic characters and a skeleton of a concept. I have had this notion for a couple years that one day I would sit down and write one out, then submit the manuscript to Harlequin. My aim isn't really to get published, just to have written it and be able to say I'd done it. Reading this latest news makes me want to do it even more. In light of this new venture, being told my work wasn't good enough to be published would mean ever so much more to me than it did already!

In the coming week I have two short work days, a full day off for Thanksgiving, and no traveling for the family dinner since it's held ten minutes from my apartment.

My goal is to read 300 pages of Quicksilver and write one of the stories on my 2009 resolution list.

This weekend I finished Others See Us. Sarah gave it to me for Christmas about five years ago. I hadn't gotten around to it, because it looked like YA horror/suspense, and those aren't typically my genres. The book was alright: the plot moved along at a clip, but the characterizations felt shallow. It took perhaps 3 hours of reading time over the weekend. It was engrossing enough that I wanted to see how everything wrapped up.

( Spoilers and stuff )

So we have the sci-fi premise: alien race is organized like an ant or bee colony with a single queen, male drones and a huge bulk of sexless female workers.

Then we have the plot twist: the discovery that sexless workers can become women if they start eating a meat diet.

Then we have the circumstance: a colony community that's just lost its queen and might be willing to give the whole gendered thing a try; a big band of rogue drones who have been convinced to give up their lawless ways for the chance to settle down with women of their own.

Then we have the following dialog!

Iroedh told Antis what had happened, adding: "Now that Estir and the more conservative officers are gone, I hope they'll adopt our program for mating them with the drones.

"They'd better! After being filled to the ears with talk on the glories of married life, every rogue is mad with impatience to seize a worker and start stoking her with steak. And speaking of which..."

...

AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I would say my mind went to a bad place, but I think it's the precise place the author was aiming for. "Stoking with steak" = best terrible euphemism ever!

( Cut for length. Fifty five year old spoilers )

Plus, the book frequently mentions A Girl of the Limberlost, though it gives absolutely no clue as to what that story is about. According to Wikipedia, it's a 1909 romance story about a girl neglected by her mother and isolated by her poverty, who learns to support her way through school collecting rare moths in the Limberlost swamp. She makes friends, earns her mother's love and captures the heart of a man way above her station. It sounds like some old-fashioned sentimental Sue-fest, and I will so be putting this on my reading list.

Recently I also read through the excellent My Family and Other Animals. That one is good if you like vivid descriptions, stories about animals, or eccentric relatives. Wonderful and funny as hell.

The full-sized wooden-handled umbrella is like the pimp-cane of the business-dress crowd.

One more post on this and I'll declare it a theme week on my LJ! Cut because this time I am political. I think I'm political anyway.

( So... )

This weekend bigboots let me foist Amadeus on him. In case you haven't seen it, it's the story of Wolfgang Mozart, as told by the man who set out to destroy him. There's lots of personality, and obsession, and lots and lots of wonderful music. Even if you're not a music buff (I'm not), the movie is really good at showing that this man was a genius creating something new and amazing.

arsmusica, if you haven't watched it, I think you'd enjoy it.

We also caught the end Waterworld, which is...pretty terrible. bigboots remarked it was like a Sci-Fi original movie that had somehow gotten a huge budget. Man, the years have not been kind to those special effects. Besides which, it's so terrible, I couldn't help but think I wasn't watching Waterworld so much as a spoof. Standing on Everest WhatTheFuck.

( Cut for length. There's pretty much nothing political in this entry. Which is not to say it's in good taste. )

Wait, Judi Dench plays Lady Catherine De Bough?! I'm going to have a harder time hating this movie than I'd thought!

ETA: If I ever became a Jane Austen fanfic writer, I'd want my name to be Caroline Bintly.

I won't link it directly since it was a friends-locked post, but someone on my flist is exploding in capslocked rage over this shit as recapped on ontd_political. In short, the Teabaggers were using images of Holocaust victims in protests against healthcare reform. An actual Holocaust survivor soundly criticized this tactic. In response, a slew of anti-Semitic vitriol ensued from the Teabaggers.

The reaction of my flister and others on the ontd_political comments is pretty much an outraged, anguished WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!?! at all this. Because seriously, how can anyone accuse Jews for being overreactive about the Holocaust, especially when the accusers are the ones comparing public health care to genocide?

I have my own thought on that one, and I was going to share it over on that post, but I am trying not to spam other people's entries with my long-ass rambling replies so much! Plus, it's sarcastic and bitter. So instead I'll put it here, in my own LJ, where everyone reading knows I'm an unhelpful ass already!

Of course they don't want Jews to be angry about the Holocaust. Angry is a limited natural resource - much like oil! Once it's used up it's gone forever (world angry extraction is expected to peak by 2025, with serious shortages projected by 2040) then no one will be able to be angry about anything ever again. Where does that leave people like the Teabaggers? If they lose the ability to plaster the internets with furious and incoherent bullshit, how will they remind us how oppressed they are? How unimaginably bad they have it? The rest of us would be in danger of forgetting that they're totally important enough to be super oppressed by the scary mean government! And instead we'll all mistake them for self-aggrandizing dipshit bigots who like to publicly masturbate to their delusions of martyrhood.

Ahem.

Today's lesson: if you don't want to make asshole remarks to internet strangers, don't share those remarks with your friends over Messenger. Because your friends (at least my friends) will relay your asshole remarks to the person, thus making you an asshole by proxy.

Here is the Yahoo! Answers poster asking about ghosts:

I saw a ghost of my dead girlfriend she comes out every 2 weeks what do i do?

And here is my jackass reply as posted by my friend under the comments section:

You need to put out ghost traps. Check Amazon for the humane trap & release kind. You don't want to kill it.

Ah, trolling the trolls. It's a good use of my Saturday.

I have got to stop regarding taking the bus as some kind of moral failure. Otherwise I am going to have one wet, cold winter in front of me.

So I was browsing Amazon for a book I'd heard about. It may have been a romance novel, and then again it might not have been. If it was, it was certainly because it was mentioned a while back on Smart Bitches Trashy Books and not because I read mass market romances as a rule. And anyway, even if I did want to read a romance novel, it's totally acceptable because it's about a cabbie and a wilderness ranger and as far as I know there are no secret babies and the fact that the American publishers retitled it His For The Taking is in no way a reflection on the book itself or the author or me for wanting to read it. Which I never said I did anyway, this is all hypothetical and I don't appreciate being judged and anyway!

I put "His for the taking" (Shut up!) into the search bar and what an odd assortment of stuff comes back as results!

The obvious result Huh. Maybe that customer review has convinced me I don't want to read it, even for curiosity's sake.

Looney Tunes On Demand episodes

A CD titled The Art of Bawdy Song

Taking Risks: A Jewish Youth in the Soviet Partisans and His Unlikely Life in California

Christian contemporary music?

Something for tennis rackets?

My very favorite though are these, The Ungrammatical Underpants of Vegetarian Politicizing. Nothing says "Please don't perform sexual intercourse with me" like using your love department as a billboard to proclaim:

Human can be healthy without killing animals for food. Therefore if he eats meat he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite.

I'm not sure which I like more: the product description, or the sample image, which has the writing running on past the edge of the pants and off the end of the frame itself. It's as though the preview is forced to admit the impossibility of the product; there are just not underpants in existence political enough to hold this kind of message.

Until we can invent those boxers, you'll have to settle for tattooing the words onto your thighs.

( Goals for 2009 )

Man, only two more months. I have the chance to get most of these things done, but I seem to have completely lost the momentum I had earlier in the year. I'm not sure what to do about that except aim to make small incremental steps in November.

It's Friday afternoon, and let me just say I'm slightly tipsy and very lazy. Originally when I'd planned to do this post, I wanted to go into amazing detail, but right now I don't feel like digging out my notes. I'm sure any hardware nerds reading this already understand all the technical stuff anyway.

The most helpful resource in my DIY computer scheme has been the book Build It. Fix It. Own It. by Paul McFedries. I found this book thorough, engaging and easy to understand. I read it once to grasp the main principles behind computers, and have since skimmed through it again to take notes on the particulars. If you want to educate yourself about computers, I think you could do much worse than picking up this book. Of course it's a little outdated by now (nearly two years! eons!), and you may not want to take my word for it until I've managed to put together a working machine, but I will say it's done an excellent job at familiarizing me on the subject and given me the confidence to go out and learn more on my own.

The Ars Technica Budget Box guides for April and October 2009 have also been very helpful in giving me an idea of what I should be looking for in terms of parts. Thank you arsmusica for recommending the site to me. Also thanks for helping me with my general questions, and to firefell for offering to help me put the machine together when the time comes. Thanks of course as well to bigboots for helping explain things to me and to adoya for sending me that encouraging article.

Anyway! Parts!:

( Links and explanations. )

Monitor

I bought this today. I currently own a giant CRT monitor that comes right to the edge of my desk, forcing me to sit about a foot from the screen. I would like to replace this now rather than waiting to buy the rest of the parts in a month. Eventually I'll get rid of my television, so I wanted something with a larger screen.

Anyway, that's the preliminary list. If you have any suggestions or questions, I would appreciate hearing them!

Thanks!